You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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