hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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