Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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