I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
