Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
