i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We need to rekindle our bromance
only you would photoshop your dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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