i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
