Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
