I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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