Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
