Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
