Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Too much gin, very little bucket
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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