What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
