i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
