So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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