i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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