ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
