Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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