I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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