I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
