how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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