how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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