Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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