He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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