Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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