Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
