3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
