Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
