Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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