If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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