I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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