I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I cockslap morals
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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