we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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