he thought i was a dude.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
