he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
