The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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