Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
