Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
