sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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