Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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