Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
