dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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