It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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