I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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