We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you told grandpa to call you daddy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
