I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
