i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
