Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love you.
Bad choice
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
