There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
