Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
