Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I believe in your delicious
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
