I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
