FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
