Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
