I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
