Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
birth control should be required to get into college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
