Buhtt sex?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alive.
So much puke
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
