I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
