I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
