yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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