Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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