god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
